Let me tell you a story. I want to introduce you to a man who had difficulties at home connecting with his kids.
He was going to work every day to provide the best resources to his kids so they can go to the best classes, engage in the finest activities, and attend prestigious colleges. He wanted to give them the very best for their education and future careers. He aimed to provide his kids great opportunities for the future.
But he always felt unappreciated. He never felt validated for his hard work and for the money that he provided for all the education-including 4 years of college–and all the other resources, efforts, and time.
This person was a good provider in terms of physical resources yes-but he ignored the emotional support and resources needed to connect and understand his own kids.
Sometimes our intentions are good, but we may lack strategies that bring about appreciation for the work that is done.
This person that I am talking about?
I love my kids and wanted them to succeed and thrive so they have a good life. I just did not take time to listen, understand, and emotionally connect to find out who they are, and what their emotional need might have been.
I was able to turn things around by working on myself to connect and understand them. Now, I am their hero and role model as a father who was willing to change, understand, and respect them.
When any one of us goes through life and feels unappreciated, let us see this as a gift versus something bad.
When you are feeling unappreciated, pause and take a moment to reflect and explore what you can actively do to understand the needs of others. Are you feeling unappreciated because you’re not meeting their needs?
When you feel unappreciated, always ask for feedback. Make sure to listen and understand or listen to respond. Make sure to repeat what you heard and then ask if there’s anything else. Give time and space until all is said and they understand that you received it.
The next step is to own, validate, and offer or as for an apology if that is needed.
Once a person feels understood, then ask permission of that person to express your part of the story.
Most people never do or understand what will build the bridge between two parties, and create a world where both parties feel understood and validated.
When you put effort into this understanding, you will be appreciated.
Stephen R. Covey mentioned this in his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People: first seek to understand then understood.
Make sure to work smart and hard, not just work hard.
Intentions do matter and also how you do things (or your strategy) is very important. Sometimes you may have to change how you do things so your efforts are recognized, and you will definitely feel appreciated.
Wishing all of you Health and Happiness.